I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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