You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
