he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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