I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
