this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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