Your tits are I can't wait for
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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