She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
