i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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