If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
