You really coming over, don't trick.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
