Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
