do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
