Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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