sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
