yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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