You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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