Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize