sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
