hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
