I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
