I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
