Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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