The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
