Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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