Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
