How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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