I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
