I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
