Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
