i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
