i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
