It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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