My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drake has all the answers
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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