Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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