Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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(847): Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called. http://tfl.nu/lgas

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

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(717): John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement http://tfl.nu/es6t

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(214): View more from Texas

So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.

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(214): So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college. http://tfl.nu/20dw

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(360): View more from Washington

It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.

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(360): It feels like Jesse James cheated on America. http://tfl.nu/twcl

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(419): View more from Ohio

Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?

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(419): Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat? http://tfl.nu/dmug

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(701): View more from North Dakota

so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.

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(701): so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick. http://tfl.nu/5ub0

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail

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(919): He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail http://tfl.nu/mc07

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(847): View more from Illinois

I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.

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(847): I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed. http://tfl.nu/z7fq

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?

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(651): Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend? http://tfl.nu/kwwo

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...

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(215): I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands... http://tfl.nu/sf3a

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(204): View more from Manitoba

That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina

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(204): That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina http://tfl.nu/e6cy

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(513): View more from Ohio

Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.

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(513): Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too. http://tfl.nu/c992

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex

(603): View more from New Hampshire

College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?

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(774): I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex (603): College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh? http://tfl.nu/q4kf

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(+61): View more from Australia

I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

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(+61): I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING. http://tfl.nu/8crd

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.

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(201): It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night. http://tfl.nu/1gt9

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