So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage