Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

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  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (98) Good night (32533) Bad night (1373)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.

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  (902): Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/sk8g
  Replies (33) Good night (497) Bad night (2792)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

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  (920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma... http://tfl.nu/z5wc
  Replies (15) Good night (939) Bad night (5273)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10756) Bad night (1423)
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  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

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  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1169) Bad night (3641)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch

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  (845): Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch http://tfl.nu/iuw1
  Replies (20) Good night (3036) Bad night (878)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?

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  (812): I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/ubnw
  Replies (3) Good night (879) Bad night (683)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.

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  (310): Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vfqq
  Replies (22) Good night (1900) Bad night (1028)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.

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  (303): I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/1ezb
  Replies (4) Good night (773) Bad night (438)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....

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  (605): But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday.... http://tfl.nu/rigs
  Replies (2) Good night (875) Bad night (433)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.

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  (301): He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession. http://tfl.nu/9fz9
  Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (292)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.

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  (208): We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us. http://tfl.nu/uocw
  Replies (2) Good night (453) Bad night (382)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.

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  (727): I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon. http://tfl.nu/enfa
  Replies (10) Good night (467) Bad night (386)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.

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  (360): I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this. http://tfl.nu/75ao
  Replies (4) Good night (312) Bad night (480)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.

  (214): View more from Texas

  That's our motto every night.

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  (469): Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT. (214): That's our motto every night. http://tfl.nu/q8qi
  Replies (1) Good night (761) Bad night (249)

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