I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
