when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.