Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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