can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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