We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The power of my boobs compel you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
