Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
