Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
