And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
