did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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