Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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