if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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