We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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