you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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