Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
