So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
