He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
