absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
