I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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