dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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