there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
