We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
