Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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