hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
