I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
