Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
