So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
