you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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