if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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