So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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