I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
