i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
