but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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