So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
