man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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