dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
