you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
