Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
