Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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